echa pa' lante, no mires pa' atras, pa' coger impulso, and you know what fuck you haha

hay yougaiz!!11 This blog post title is allegedly Yara Sofia’s farewell message when she sashayed away from RuPaul’s DragRace3. I'm not really sure what it means but it looked so foreign and exotic and Latin and stuff that I just HAD to have it yougaiz. So anyway, Raja won DragRace3. Yay for your face Raja! In your honor, we post a Raja gif. 

stolen from here

And here is a gif of RuPaul waving at me.

stolen from here

HAY MAIFRAAANDS!!111 HAAAAAAY!!!!111

Anyway, is it sidey to post after onemonthbreak to say ohai! I’m taking oneanothermonthbreak also? The answer is yes. Yes it is very sidey to do this. But whatever. Then you know what sprepper is? DragRace3 tells me that sprepper happens when you mix Sprite and Dr. Pepper which is Sweet! But Not Delicious! When you think about it, so many things in life are Sweet! But Not Delicious! I also learned another new word. This another new word is 'scrotching'. I think the person who kept saying this wanted to say ‘scorching’. Like they wanted to say ‘it is scorching day in the outside’. But instead, they are saying ‘it is scrotching day in the outside’. This could prettymuch mean anything yougaiz. But I feel like this could be used when you generally want to say something negative but also want to include crotches and setting things on fire also.

Then what happened means I was interviewed by the highlyillustrious V.V. Ganeshananthan at the Sepia Mutiny. Not only was this fun interview to do, it includes some helpful tips from my booklet How to Write Your Awesome Indian Slum Novel and kind people said nicecomments also which I now keep in the pockets of my heart. And the DheegaDheega song is there also. That in itself makes everything #winning, no? Yes. Yes it does.

 

Then also, because I think it's important to perpetuate rumors whenever possible, rumor has it that I will have some kind of echapbook happening in the near future. If it happens, you heard it here phust yougaiz. Although I think Blaft posted about it on their blog already but whatever.

Then what happened means I VOTED!!11 Very exciting! I like to vote yougaiz. This was a lot more interesting when it happened and when I thought about it afterwards. It is not so interesting now when I write about it here. 

Now, I will take this opportunity to answer some questions. Some of these questions are real, some are fake, some are completely made up and some are Sweet! But Not Delicious!

1. Epicest RuPaul Pic Evar? 

There are so many. But this one is just...there are no words yougaiz.

stolen from here

The only thing missing here is a sparkly unicorn holding up a sign saying ‘I cannot stand the absolute epic that is happening in this picture right now yougaiz’. 

2. How Are you Celebrating Short Story Month?

As an alleged short story writer, it behooves me to celebrate this month with pomp and circumstance and aplomb and perspicacity and fortitude and all those kinds of things like that. Primarily, I've decided not to write any short stories during this time. This is like how on Saraswati Puja day you don't touch any books or anything. It's like that yougaiz. Then I thought I should try and read which was phail but was totally #winning in terms of falling asleep with mouth open. Then I thought ok let me listen to free podcasts. This is something I do very well. So here is what I heard yougaiz.

1. My Man Jeeves and Right Ho Jeeves by PG Wodehouse

I don't know why these are free. But they are. Which is awesome. These particular podcasts were also read very well which is just #totalwinning yougaiz. Also, it behooves me to share this passage from My Man Jeeves.

"No doubt you read my book, India and the Indians? My publishers are anxious for me to write a companion volume on the United States. I shall not be able to spend more than a month in the country, as I have to get back for the season, but a month should be ample. I was less than a month in India, and my dear friend Sir Roger Cremorne wrote his America from Within after a stay of only two weeks."

Isn't it neat how that was how people did things back then but that totally doesn't happen today? That's so neat yougaiz.

2. The Chink and the Child by Thomas Burke
I'm not linking to this. I don't know why I listened to this either. I remember while listening I kept wanting to ask the narrator, 'How can you keep reading this? Can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth? Why are you doing this?' That was probably unfair on my part but it was what I felt yougaiz. Anyway, the story is what it is and I guess that's all we can say. Also it is neat to know that with regard to Burke, and I quote from the awesome and illustrious wikipedia, "the majority of his autobiogaphies attest to his supposedly intimate knowledge of lower-class life. These fabricated autobiographies enabled Burke to establish his authority as an expert on the Chinese in London, allowing him to create a persona that he used to market his fictional works on Limehouse. As Witchard notes, Burke, through his writing, positioned himself as a “seer” in an “occult process” of representing London’s sub-cultural ‘Others'." Oh my. Oh my, Oh my, Oh. My.

3. Why don't you post some tits on your blog? 

Of course. Here are some bouncing ones.

4. Mutton Song yes or not?

yes.  

5. Saali Bitch song yes or not?

Oh honey not. So much not. Although on the cover, Thiru IshqBector Avargal seems to have written the word Ishq in big letters on a wall using his own pee which leads me to believe that perhaps he has a massive bladder. Which probs comes in superhandy on long bus rides and things like that. Really feel like one needs to find the positives where one can and celebrate them. Although the pee looks like black spray paint also. I don't think your pee is supposed to look like that. I really don't know what to say now yougaiz.

6. I haven’t read your writing because your kind of writing doesn’t interest me but I do think you should answer my 27 part question regarding your Indian identity crisis.

I’m actually a white dude from Finland. But from far away I look like I have an Indian identity crisis. Also,

stolen from somewhere on jezebel.com

 Did you know this dude dances really well to Show Me Your Jalwa? Really he does. He's supertalented yougaiz.

And now, some musics.

Missy Elliott VS. Rudenko - Everybody Lick Shots Remix by DjCK 

Britney Spears- If You Seek Amy (Metal Remix by bliix)

Britney Spears- 3 (Metal Remix by bliix)

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Perform This Way

And of course, since today is Mother's Day, a salute to all mothers with this mothering MGR song from Adimai Penn which featured the biggest Amma of all. This is seriously a great song yougaiz. Makes you feel like running and jumping among big rocks in the sun. But not in a scrotching way.

seri bai, ah?

Stack Up Your Friends Like A Million Bucks And Other Things Also

Because I could not think of anything to blog about, I thought it would be the most splendid idea ever to post my Facebook 25 Random Things About Me List. I thought about this idea and I thought, wow, that is splendid. That is a splendid idea.

But first, I want to mention some other random things also.


1. This Article in Tehelka About Indian Readers And Indian Writers

“But reading contemporary Indian writers in English leaves you with a feeling that there remain stubborn layers of butter paper between their prose and the actual life they’re trying to describe. It is really a problem of foggy realism. They remain too mannered and fey to excite their verbal life with an original voice, to drive language hard, to mint indigenous metaphors, and provide little catharsis or pleasure to the reader. Aiming for vividness, they stop short at vivaciousness. Worse, the weaker ones sink into preciousness, petulance, grogginess.”

Word word word yes yes yes. Come on, Writers In India Who Write In English Who Live In India! Write More Better! Also, I want to say that I found Aseem Kaul’s blog post interesting because in the writing community I am familiar with, people tend to bend over their backsides, saying how the contributors, the editors, the editor’s mother and the very scent of the website’s html is so unbelievably awesome that it is nothing short of a major modern mystery that all this awesomeness hasn’t been nommed for all the prizes everywhere all the time. Nice to see some honesty and it was also nice that he said nice things about my story also.



2. Chillin By Lady Gaga. And Wale. This is one of the most frustrating songs I have heard in a very long time. Lady Gaga is the best thing this song has going for it but you have to sit through a lot of Wale in order to get to the Gaga. Which is hard because he keeps saying his name is Wale and after a while it’s like yes your name is Wale we get it you don’t have to keep saying it and yet you keep saying it like you did just now there you said it again. Liking the Bimbo Jones remix of this very much. I also like the line ‘stack up your friends like a million bucks’ though she may actually be saying ‘funds’ but I like to think it’s friends.



3. Words Without Borders had an issue on International Flash Fiction. Interesting to read, especially if you sometimes get the impression that flash fiction is American. Apparently it isn’t.



4. Do They Know It’s Hallowe’en has Narduwar the Human Serviette, Feist, Peaches, Beck and bits and pieces of Smoosh, Wolf Parade, that dog, Rilo Kiley and Sonic Youth all in the together to make a parody of that bodacious song Do They Know It’s Christmas which I love so very very much. I love it so much I wrote this about it.



5. Podcasts- I dig podcasts because I can’t read. Every time I try to read a book I fall asleep. This did not happen when I read graphic novels, possibly because they had pictures in them. I’m recommending the LibriVox series of podcasts with this cautionary note. These are works in the public domain and they are read by volunteers. So while there are lots of interesting podcasts up and they are all free, they are works in the public domain and they are read by volunteers. So I would recommend these podcasts if you can’t read or can’t get your hands on reading material in the public domain or can’t afford reading material in the public domain but for some reason you have an internet connection and you don’t mind bad reading sometimes and you don't mind bad stories sometimes.



6. Aada Varalaam - You can please aada varalaam (that is 'come and dance' for our non-Tamil-speaking-friends) to this song from the very awesome show Psychoville (from the same peeps that brought you the equally awesome League of Gentlemen). This is a song all everybodys can dance to because they are so much simple steps and even if you are sitting alone on chair or maybe you are with all so much of your friends enjoying like anything or maybe you are feeling very sad also and you feel like dancing you can do it also. Of course the dancing pair are mother and son but if you don't think of them as mother and son it's a lot less disturbing.



And now. 25 Random Things About Myself. Actually it's just 19 because this post is too long already.

1. I once convinced a friend that Mary Oliver was working in a local cottage industry unit which extracted salt from gravel.

2. I once listened to the Dard E Disco remix on loop for 4 hours.

3. In grade 9, I had a large argument with a number of my classmates who insisted that Kangaroo was pronounced Gungah-rooh. I now have no idea how to say that word so I never use 'Kangaroo' in spoken conversation.

4. While walking home after a flood, I noticed a fish flipflopping on the road and so I tossed it into a muddy puddle where I watched it squirm even more because it was probably a very hot muddy puddle and there is a good chance that said fish boiled to death because of my selfless act of heroism.

5. When traveling by train to Chennai, I watched two old Brahmin ladies discuss religion with two Muslim men and instead of basking in the Unity In Diversity and singing Vande Mataram, I thought chi, so filmy.

6. I can speak 14 different languages but Hindi isn't one of them. This makes me a bad, bad Indian.

7. When traveling by train, I am often mistaken for some movie star who 'has large eyes'. This never happens when I travel by bus.

8. I once shot and killed something accidentally and now I really like guns.

9. As a child, I was very good at long distance running and earned the nickname, The Fastest Little Indian, which in turn led to allegations of racism within my school. This led to a very ugly chapter in the Canadian Public School system which was later made into an After-school Special movie. While they refused to give me the lead role, I did play one of the girls who is mean to the Fastest Little Indian but later I pat her on the back and say you're awesome even though you look different.

10. I was part of the ukulele club until I said the ukulele club was retarded and then they said I couldn't be in the ukulele club anymore.

11. During my youth, cows and small birds would attack me for no reason.

12. To put all rumor and speculation to rest, yes I am actually the artist known as M.I.A.

13. I lied about the M.I.A thing.

14. And I lied about some other stuff too.

15. Actually I lied about everything.

16. No I didn't.

17. Yes I did.

18. I am going to say something profound yet funny about Slumdog Millionaire.

19. No I'm not.

okbai.