Conversations- Disturbing Things

K- I can’t even talk right now. It was So. Disturbing. I can’t even tell you how disturbing it was. I am so disturbed by how disturbing it was.

S- Well I have to go anyway so-

K- Ask me what was so disturbing.

S- Actually I have to -

K- I watched ‘Imprint’! It’s a Japanese horror movie type thing that they wouldn’t show on American T.V. because it was so disturbing!

S- I don’t want to hear about it.

K- Yeah, it was pretty disturbing. I don’t think you could handle that much disturbingness.

S- Cool. Anyway, have to go now so-

K- Call me later and I’ll tell you what was so disturbing.

***

K- You never called so I thought I should call you myself to tell you what was so disturbing in the Japanese horror movie type thing. There was this scene where they tortured this geisha-

S- I don’t want to know.

K- Don’t tell lies. You DO want to know but you’re putting scene.

S- I’m not putting scene, I really don’t want to know. Let’s talk about non-Japanese horror movie type things.

K- Can we talk about geishas?

S- No.

K- Can we talk about Japanese culture?

S- What do you know about Japanese culture?

K- I know about geishas. Let’s talk about geishas.

S- If you even say the word ‘geishas’, I’m hanging up.

K- But geishas are a part of Japanese culture, it’s racist not to talk about them. Hello? Did you just hang up on me?

***

K- Hi. I don’t want to talk about geishas.

S- Glad to hear it.

K- Can we talk about sewing?

S- What in God’s name would you have to say about sewing?

K- I want to talk about needlepoint. I want to talk about how there are needles in needlepoint.

S- So?

K- There are also needles in the torture scene in the Japanese horror movie type thing and they stick them into this woman’s-

S- No.

K- But I didn’t even say ‘geishas’!

S- You can’t talk about needles anymore.

K- Can I talk about incense?

S- No.

K- Fine. Then I won’t tell you about how in the torture scene in the Japanese horror movie type thing they burned this woman with incense and - Hello? Did you hang up on me again?

***

K- You hung up on me again.

S- What part of ‘No’ do you not understand?

K- I thought maybe you meant ‘Yes’ when you said ‘No’.

S- You’re not allowed to talk to me about geishas, needles or incense.

K- Then you talk about something.

S- Ok, let’s talk about who I saw today. Remember that girl from college who used to eat six samosas everyday?

K- The one with the twin?

S- No no, remember she would never share because she said she would faint if she didn’t eat six samosas a day?

K- She had a twin, no?

S- No.

K- Funny you should mention twins.

S- I didn’t mention twins, what’s wrong with you?

K- There was a parasitic twin in the Japanese horror movie type thing which was actually this little face in the middle of a hand which lived on this geisha’s head don’t hang up on me. Hello?

S- Yes?

K- You didn’t hang up on me!

S- That’s because I wanted to tell you that you’re not allowed to talk to me about anything ever again.

K- Can I talk about this little girl with blue hair who had a parasitic twin living on her head if I don’t mention that the little girl grows up to be a geisha? Hello? Why do you keep hanging up on me, it’s really rude.

*

an edited version of this appeared in The New Indian Express Zeitgeist Supplement, Multiverse, Conversations, March 27, 2010