i am very much not aware and least bothered also

Haifraans. I unfortunately have come backin the return. With myself, I bring this wholly incoherent and incomprehensibleblog post consisting of things I have seen/heard/read/thought about in the lastcouple of months. The post is too long also and I am so sorry. Okso these are some interesting lines that I thought wereinteresting.

• I am very muchnot aware and least bothered also

I feel this isa great thing to say in general. It is also very helpful in so many situationsin our daily life. For instance, acquaintance gives you her demonchild to holdeven though you have made it quite clear that you will drop demonchild if shegives it to you. She gives it to you anyway because you are an unmarried womanand you need to learn how to carry other people’s babies. As was foretold byyou, you drop said demonchild and acquaintance is all #rage and ‘you dropped mychild!’ and you’re like ‘I am very much not aware and least bothered also’ okthat’s a bad example and you totally shouldn't drop other people's demonchildren because it's so mean.

• Paper carrotcannot be used in the preparation of broth.

this is from a half-page color adtypethingthat appeared on the front page of The New Indian Express. I think it was forthe promotion of Indianness which is a very promotable thing
 

• From the year2000 onwards Americans have continuously received Nobel Prizes for Economics,but American Economy is doing both rock ‘n’ roll and kathakali dances. 

fromselfsame aforementioned adtypething

• Ha!oh…

from AnthaAsingamana Padam aka The Dirty Picture song Ooh la la, thank you for bringingback this oldskool itemgirl sound and thank you also for proving that an itemgirl can still be lucrative even when she is dead. That is the best kind ofitem girl evar.

ThenI wrote a story and it got published yougaiz!!11 This hasn’t happened very muchlately so I am excited. The story is called Discuss How India Will Become A Prosperous And Secure Nation InThe Next Five Years, which is very much in keeping with the Indian culture. So thank youto Indian culture and to Ani Smith for helping this story to exist and givingit a place to sit. 

ThenI went to Karnataka! I trekked barefoot among the mofussil areas, ate withtribal people in forestmountains, imbibed strong alcoholic and narcoticproducts usually consumed by “poor people” thus proving im badass in a nativesort of way, got typhoidmalariacholera and cured myself through sheerwillpower, wrote a novel longhand on deadleaves and watched sunrises fromisolated jungle areatypethings and now I’m going to tell you ALL about it.Actually I just went to Bengaluru and ate a lot of fast food and wore socks. Iremember seeing three things of interest there.

• A license platethat said ‘Hai Lord Venki!’ .idk, it seemed interesting then. not so much now

• An ad that wassuperexcited about a female deejay who was female and had female deejayingpowers which are female which means they have boobies like in the picture ofthe female deejay with boobies. This ad made me feel so bad for the mandeejays whodon’t get this kind of publicity because so many of them are flat-chested and theylack the ability to spin dubstep with their uteruses.#papercarrotcannotbeusedinthepreparationofbroth#sexismismeanyougaiz

• Then I saw this billboardof Rob Schneider’s face in the blore latenight sky and thought to myself ‘o maicheezuz  adam sandler’s massive face is hanginglike an American sun in the night of the india sky! Surely this is a sign that wewill rise and become great world power through the power of Walmart!'# americaneconomyisdoingbothrock‘n’ rollandkathakalidances

And now, just asit was every Indian’s duty to join AnnaHazareMovement, I must now talk aboutthe Kolaveri song. I like this song for the following reasons.

• It is nice tosee a Tamil video clip go viral without it involving Baby Simbu and someone onBuzzfeed calling it ‘crazy I don’t even know what the fuck is going on hereBollywood song’, which would inevitably lead to a comment that Indiansshouldn’t be making movies because we so po’# papercarrotcannotbeusedinthepreparationofbroth,#Ha!oh…

• I am veryappreciative of songs that don’t have boyfellows in jeanspant talking about howgirlfellows in jeanspant are ruining Tamil culture because they are wearingjeanspant, said the boyfellow in the jeanspant. This often leads to speculationthat girlfellow needs onetightslap because that’s the most effective way tosave Tamil culture. #betteryoucanavoidit, #soupboyswhodontwanttoslapyourfaceareawesome

• It made Kamaal RKhan say this on Twitter.

Take one box oftin and put some coins in and shake it so you will hear malayalam language andfor me kolaweri song is same. #Ha!oh... #maintainplease #notestakinginthehandsnackstaking #pahpahpahpah

• Songs in strangephoren languages are often translated but this song gave an opportunity for theerudite and the in-the-know to “decode” it. Why it needs decoding? Because itis not written in phoren language. It is written in magical unicorn alien languagecalled “Mangled Tamil/ Broken English.” This is a very unique language spokenby magical Tamil people and broken English people, Superstar, and the engsteryouth who are doing bothkathakali and rock n roll dances. Did I mention that the language is weird?Because wow it’s just lykke so weird yougaiz. How weird? So weird that peeps kepttalking about how their Injun peeps in America and the UK thought it was soweird. This is golden rule- when something weird happens in India, don’t talkto the Indians living in India about it. Talk to people who don’t live here or who used to know people who lived here in 1974, as they will be most knowledgeable and havethe grassroots and current information regarding this and all items and itemnumbers generally. Alsomangled or broken is always a good way to describe something that’s different.#onlyenglish #pahpahpahpah #holycowdyingnow

• I like how thewhite skin- black heart line implied that Tamil people were racist against whitewomen. Or was it women in general. Or was it women having heartdefects. Idk, anyway, this led me to fondly recollect some of my favoritestereotypes about South Indian Woman as a whole because apparently South Indianmainly means Tamil, little bit Malayalam, kindabutnotreally Telugu and a lolzurnotreallySouthIndianbutwhatevs amountof Kannadiga. Some of these stereotypes are culled from the internet, othersfrom real life, all of them are true because people say so. Also, one should never blog about stereotypes because they are racist. #wadachangeovermama #nowtunechange

South IndianWomen Are all Fucking DogHippos with no Dress Sense

This one islittle confusing because I’m not sure if it means every single one of us is similarto the mythical doghippopotamus with regard to facial features, body mass andstructure or if every single South Indian woman is allegedly in constant statesof fornication with doghippopotami. Considering that many folks on the internetlike to see ‘south indian bending aunty fucking’ and ‘south indian auntyfucking and feeling pain’, perhaps the fucking doghippo is just another facetof this surprisingly rich oeuvre. Also there seems to be some implication that ourSouth Indianness robs us of the sense to dress, which is why we all lack the skills necessary to coverour boobies and crotchimus areas when we go out in the publics. You were wondering about that, no? Well this is whybecause. Overall verymuch against the Indian culture, especially the fucking hippos part. #ha!oh…

South IndianWomen are all Beautiful, Smart, Witty, Funny, Clever, Intelligent, Sexy, Cool,Great, Wonderful, Talented, Beautiful, Smart, Witty, Funny, Clever

Ok so someonesays that South Indian women are fucking doghippos and not having any dresssense and someone else valiantly defends us all by saying ALL SOUTH INDIAN AREBEAUTIFUL SMART TALENTED SEXY etc etc. Aw. Here you are, thinking you’re smartbecause you read a lot and stuff like that but it’s really because you’re SouthIndian! This exercise is called killing the face of people who say bad thingsabout South Indians by nice things about South Indians, which is very #winning because it involves defending the South Indian women who were not in a position to defend themselves,possibly because they were too busy fucking doghippos. It has been myexperience that these righteous flowers of praise are often followed by lineslike ‘I love South Indian food’, which always makes me nervous because I wonderif this means that I have to cook for them as a way of saying thank you fordefending my South Indian Womanhood. Once someone said ‘oneof my friends used to be South Indian’. And that also scared me because I waslike, what do you mean ‘used to be’, what happened to them , did you eat them? Noshade though, I totes do the same thing- I mean whenever I see a white person, which isn’t that often, Ilike to tell them how much I like English music and that I read English booksand can even speak English sometimes and will you adopt me as your thirdworldIndian child please? Also I feel like this stereotype is scary like that one angle who will talk about how he loves all South Indian women. ALL ofthem. Without exception. And you immediately make mentalnote to stay very faraway from him all the time forever. #omaikarpu

All South IndianWomen Are Dark Which Is Perfectly Ok Because I like Dark Women! Actually I Prefer Them!

Thangod!1111 Wewould have been in big trouble if you didn’t like and prefer our deskyseksual South Indian darkness! We as apeople were going to commit collective suicide and now you have given us areason to live. Now, what happens when you come across a South Indian woman andshe is not ‘dark’? Does it mean she isn’t South Indian? Yes that’s exactly whatit means. ALL South Indian women are dark. Every last one of them. But someonehas said that’s perfectly ok for us to be like that so we should try and be okwith that too.

Please don’tleave me comments saying all this means I hate Naan South Indians or that you’dlike to add your own stereotypes to this list because frankly this blog canonly take so much truth in one posting. 

Ashwini Ye Na

I Got it fromAgnes

Winner

kbai u coll peepal bindaaz4lyffe